Can I Identify as American?

Immigrants have always had a bad rep. They’re the needy ones crossing over to greener pastures. But, as economies are battered, anti-immigration sentiments are on the rise. Economic immigration, business immigration, i-dunno-what-immigration.. We have a name for everything, don’t we?

At some point, I have decided that I want to make America my home. This has not always been the case. But why? I mean, the country is a clusterfuck of epic proportions. At best, it’s a civilization in decline.

America is a dysfunctional collective of misfits who are not accepted until they have bled and sacrificed enough. The Irish didn’t just come in welcomed with open arms. Black America still bleeds. But that’s the thing, America is an idea. The idea wasn’t designed for everyone in mind, but we just embraced it whether the Founding Fathers wanted it or not. It is a place that says, fight hard, fight the system, and if you succeed, a few generations later, maybe you’ll be a part of us. That’s way more than my own country ever offered me, or any of the several countries I grew up in.

Having never lived in my own country, I don’t have the baggage of inherited patriotism. America is undoubtedly my favorite country in the world. It always has been. I feel American. Hey, if Rachel Dolezal can identify as black, who says what I can identify as?

I’m sorry, America. I have no plans of going anywhere. I grew up on American culture half-way across the world.. I’ve often wondered about loving a country like my own. It’s something I hear people talk about, but never understood. It’s so weird to just love a country cause you were born in it. I think of it like how one loves their parents? I’m guessing. I really don’t know. But America, it’s a love that grew as we learned more about each other.

My first interaction with America was a major disappointment. I was expecting an open, liberal society. I met Texas. It took me time to appreciate the depth and breadth of American culture. I felt that I did not belong here. America is too conservative. Too religious. Too opposite of what I had thought. What a bizarre thing for a kid arriving from the Middle East finding America too conservative. A Sudanese kid, America.. a Sudanese kid.

Sudan is a country that is unlikely to see any prosperity in the next few lifetimes. Culturally retarded, it is crippled for generations to come. Revolution or not, the country has an uphill battle, even if it’s nice to see that there is some progress of late. But it’s not my fight. I have no feelings for it. I don’t love Sudan. I never loved Sudan. In fact, I find Sudan to be aesthetically ugly. It’s a plateau desert. WTF do you want me to say? I find it annoying when people try to insist on calling it beautiful when it clearly isn’t. I’m sure it has good qualities, but Sudanese society hasn’t matured enough to be able to let go of ‘desired traits’ and finding their own. Either way, aside from my birthplace and passport, I honestly don’t have much else of a connection to the country. Nor am I in love with the culture.

But do I love American culture then? Not really. This is what I love about the America. It’s whatever the fuck I want it to be. I don’t know how anyone cannot fall in love with such a concept. Whatever the fuck you want! I’ll take and cherry-pick what I like. I’ll make it my own. But yes, as a basis, I find American culture to be just fine. It has enough of the conservative all-too-familiar-middle-eastern-shit that I’m familiar with, to the idiotic i won’t wear a mask cause… freedooommmmmm! I love that shit. How can you not?

Growing up int he Middle East, my biggest fantasy was to live free of societal restrictions. I suppose most teenagers felt that way, but mine was deeper. I truly wanted to be out of societal rules. Not for me as a young adult, but for me as a human person. I recognize that America isn’t Scandanavia. But that’s the thing about America, it has many many versions of Scandanavia within it.

So, I’ve made up my mind about you America. I will adopt you as my home and I’ll love you, goddammit! And I will fight the system to be accepted. I know you’re gonna treat me like shit, and I’ll fuck you back. But, it’s all love.

Can I identify as American now?